You think

oh god this urge for writing never leaves me yet it doesnt provide me with an engaging theme or the best writing capabilities to put forth that theme, that topic. I yearn and yearn to write but nothing happens that drives the thoughts in my mind to be penned on a paper ( blog in this case).
How do we quantify the grasp over a language , a writing technique, a set of experiences that would enable us form something meaningful out of our thoughts? Do we have to be extremely good at a language or do we deem it sufficient what we already possess?

Not sure and afraid that I will ever know the answers of the questions mentioned above. I could rant what is disturbing me, I could form verses to make my thoughts poetic, I could intellectualize them and put them down in a way that no one understands,not saying that intellectualizing is bad but could be an obstacle for a reader who really does want to understand your thoughts and opinions.

But seriously the urge for writing just doesnt get sated even when I am out of the energy to write. What could I write about that hasnt been written already. How do I engage you when nothing engages me, when especially I give such fleeting attention to writing. I try to read but I cant anymore , I try to watch sensible things that would make me appreciate the writing behind it, be it comedy or serious thoughtful drama, but it works sparingly. So I listen to music at times that gives me inspiration. Dont think that because music pieces are short hence they capture my attention, because short stories and short movies do not appeal to me at all. I did not like short stories and I absolutely cannot stand short films. Very rarely a short story engages me and even then it would lead me to pine for more, it would make me want to beg the writer to write a bit more in that story.

Ironically , I try writing articles in few words and hence I fail because I do not like the idea of them myself. May be I should stick to poetry, may be I should not even write, may be I should get up now and leave this in a draft. What am I doing?

Such a dearth of tools in my own mind that I do not use the universe full of themes around me to encapsulate them in words.

khaali makaan

makaan khaali khaali sa laga
usme ghar jo na basa tha
balcony bhi thi virani si
bachchon ka kahkaha jo na tha
imli ke ped ko bahut jhada
par usme imliyan thi hi kahan
samay ki parchaiyon me apna chehra dhoonda
lekin man ka aaeena dhundhla mila

khidkiyon ke sheeshon pe
mitti ki parat jami payi
pata nahi kab makdiyon ne deewaron pe jaala buna
dahleej pe lagake rakkhe kaan magar
barso se teri aahat ko darwaazon se na aata hua suna

kai arso se koi chala nahi is makaan ki taraf aati hui pagdandi pe
chhat pe soi soi hawa ko bhi thahra paaya
poocha toh kai baar dakiye se mere purane basere ka pata

laakh dhoonda kuch pata na chala
laakh poocha par kuch laapata hi raha


translation:

House was empty empty
There was no home in it
Balcony was also lifeless
Noise made by kids wasn’t there
Shook the tamarind tree
It didn’t have any tamarinds
Looked for my face in the time’s shadow
But found the heart’s mirror hazy


On the panes of the windows
There was a layer of dust settled on it
Dunno when spiders made their cobweb on the walls
Had put my ears on the threshold
But haven't heard the sound of your steps at the doors for years

No one has walked for a while towards this house on the small unpaved way leading to it
The air on the terrace was sleepy and I found it still
I did ask the postman many times the address of my old home
Searched a million times, nothing was known
Asked for it a million times something was always left unknown



(basa= built/made/settled)
(virani=empty/withoutlife)
(virani=empty/withoutlife)
(parchaiyyan=shadow)
(dhoondhla=hazy/transluscent/covered with fog or dust)
(khidkiyan=windows, sheesha=glass/mirror)
(mitti=dust/soil, parat=layer,jami= settled/frozen)
(makdiyan=spider, deewraon=walls)
(dahleej=threshold between the inner house and outside just below the door frame, darwazon=doors)
(barson=years,aahat=sound of movement or feet)
(taraf= that way,arson=a while/years, pagdandi= sort of unpaved way made by walkin over grass)
(thehra= still, soi=sleepy,hawa=air,chat=terrace)
(poocha=asked,kai baar=many times, purine=old, basere=home, pata= address)
(laakh= million/some number, kuch=something,daakiya =postman)
(laapata=unknown/lost)