Walking through the dark castles
of my dream's dungeons and aisles,
sweating with fear and anxiety.
Wondering 'bout life's own varieties,
of love, treachery and emotions.
Sinking hopes with the setting sun.
The thorns no more pricking
Mystery of life getting trickier
Happiness and contentment, a mirage
And liberation being caged
A world full of blossoms sans fragrance
The reality dressed as romance,
When I loaf around
In the blue sky and the green ocean
To end a never ending a never ending search
For selfless friends and trustworthy foes
I fancy myself with the idea
Of solitude being the saviour.
Is there any lighthouse around?
Or at least a lamp
How do I find my way out,
I cannot wait for the dawn break.
'Cos the devils of the morning
Fill me up with the false hopes.
I a left to wander in the thick wood
With no water and only the thorns would
Survive the harsh scarcity
of life, soul and full of dead peace
With the two roads diverging in front of me
Lost in this frightening mystery
I hope to wake up some day,
Liberated and having taken the right path
Which converges into my identity.
of my dream's dungeons and aisles,
sweating with fear and anxiety.
Wondering 'bout life's own varieties,
of love, treachery and emotions.
Sinking hopes with the setting sun.
The thorns no more pricking
Mystery of life getting trickier
Happiness and contentment, a mirage
And liberation being caged
A world full of blossoms sans fragrance
The reality dressed as romance,
When I loaf around
In the blue sky and the green ocean
To end a never ending a never ending search
For selfless friends and trustworthy foes
I fancy myself with the idea
Of solitude being the saviour.
Is there any lighthouse around?
Or at least a lamp
How do I find my way out,
I cannot wait for the dawn break.
'Cos the devils of the morning
Fill me up with the false hopes.
I a left to wander in the thick wood
With no water and only the thorns would
Survive the harsh scarcity
of life, soul and full of dead peace
With the two roads diverging in front of me
Lost in this frightening mystery
I hope to wake up some day,
Liberated and having taken the right path
Which converges into my identity.
Dang girl!
ReplyDeleteI didn't know you write .. and you are amazingly good at it. [:)]
Keep up the good work! You got one regular visitor for your blog for sure!
** i am the first one to comment **
well well.....
ReplyDeleteam impressed!!...
:P
oye poetess!!..u inspire...
ReplyDeletethanks guys!
ReplyDeletei always knew this.... ever since 9 grade... in thoughts and expressions.. u always like this.... reminds me of myself at times... great
ReplyDeleteEr,
ReplyDeleteSince you've got a good share of "wow"s, I'll take a more critical voice. You should know however that I'm not much of a poet.
Your poems (I read them all but am lazy to comment individually) show potential, but need some work.
Most of your poems would work very well as free verse, may be even blank verse (can't help you there since I'm meter deaf) but fail with the rhymes.
What I like are the images that are rarely but almost effectively used.
As in
"And liberation being caged
A world full of blossoms sans fragrance"
and
"With the night's dreams, still in the eyes"
The problem is that they are shrouded by a vast number of cliches and mundane stuff.
Good poems, in my view, must at least leave a line in your head once you finish reading them, which yours don't as yet.
The rhymes where ever you've employed them sound weird. Sometimes to the point of "why did she have to try to rhyme?"
Case in point
"Smiles that were shared and the pain too
Words unspoken, yet so true. "
What are 'yet so true'? the words? or the feelings - vague.
Sometimes vagueness can pass off as abstraction but I won't do that here.
Some places show imagination,
"The brightness of the rest of the day
Mixed as the sugar in it."
How ever they could have been better written.
Your title and url are nice neat. Something that reappears in lots of places is the extremes. Lighthouse/lamp. Darkness/light. Red Giants/White dwarfs. I like the way your blog is designed.
Cheers
Kaber Vasuki
Thanks so much for taking the time and effort to read through my work and providing your comments.
ReplyDeleteIm happy that you could go through all my poems, but i made it clear it that these poema are for myself and this is how i vent out my feelings, my thoughts, my misery, my anger. When i write i do not follow any particular standard as such, n i don think i can ever write like a wordsworth or tennyson. My ideas generally flow and they sometimes happen to rhyme. that is how this all started.
I dono bout the other places, but the particular example you'd given about the rhyming, on the contrary, i totally felt it and it was almost like i recited it and then wrote it, and coincidentally they rhymed. But if its done in other places like u said, then ill keep it in mind when i write.
I know that images like darkness/brightness or lighthouses etc are recurring themes in my poems, but these ideas are that i use to portray the world i see around me. Hence these will be seen in my future poems also a lot i guess because this is how i perceive the world.
thank u very much for these insights. ill be putting up more work in the future, hope u go through them too and share your views.